Mizpah
by KuroKuchiki
Summary: Based on manga episode 423, the parting thoughts of Rukia and Ichigo.  Rukia's more immediate and Ichigo's in near future.
1. Chapter 1

As I walk through the gates to Soul Society, I realize that any happiness I could have had is no more. It is no longer a hope or a dream; this, right here, right now, is reality. When I left the Living World, I left my heart and happiness behind.

Why is it always like this for me? Every time I find something that could remotely pacify the sorrow in my heart, it is taken away. It evaporates into thin air…like I just did a few moments ago.

I know that it wasn't meant to be. He is a human after all. But he made me happy every day, and the thought that I might be able to be with him during his life on earth was always the cheer of my soul. Now, there is no more cheer. There is only loneliness, sadness and regret. The loneliness of missing his scowl, the sadness of departing, and my regret of ever having touched his life linger in the recesses of my mind. Thus, this is the price I pay for my life's transgressions. The pain is eternal and the misery is endless.

I have never been needy. I have gone without many of the things that I have needed all of my life. Food, water and warmth have escaped me. But, I learned to live without them. I didn't even know that I needed to love or to be loved until he came along. How I long for the ignorance of that again.

But being ever the pragmatic, I know that this depression is not helping me. I also know that he is where and the way he should be. He is normal with normal living people in a living world. But the sadness is ever present; omnipotent and tenacious.

Though you can no longer see me, I will look after you. I will protect you and the family that you will someday raise. While I had secretly hoped that I would be the one to accept that task at your side, I know that whomever the lucky woman is that you choose is worthy of my loyalty and she shall have it even if it tears my heart in two.

Though you lost your shinigami powers, you still have power. The power to comfort, to love, to be just; these were not things anyone could take from you- they are yours and yours alone.

Since I am not worthy of having my prayers answered, as it has obviously been displayed in my life, I will not pray for me, but for you.

I pray that you live a long and happy life. I pray that all you need and want come to you. I pray that you are safe and warm. I pray that you never know another day of loneliness; that all of the love in the world surrounds you. Though I know you will not remember me eventually, I pray that while you still can, that they are happy memories.

Even if your ears can't hear me, your eyes can't see me and your skin can't touch me, I pray that your heart can still feel me.

Goodbye, you baka. I pray that when memories of me evade you, that you can still feel the love I carry for you in my heart and the confidence I have for you in your heart.

I hope the gods answer my prayers for you.

I love you, Ichigo. Be well.


	2. Chapter 2

As I gaze up to the cloudless, starry sky at the moon, a heavy pall washes over me. I should be happy. Peaceful days…yeah, I should be happy; but I'm not. I would be elated if you were here; but you're not.

In losing my powers, I lost something else so dear to me that it burns in my chest. I told you that I wouldn't make a sad face; I lied. You have been away from me for a couple of years. I know that is nothing to you, but it already feels like an eternity to me.

I know that what I did was the right thing to do. Aizen had to go. But why did I also have to lose? I can live without powers, but why do I have to live without you?

You were bossy and violent and demanding and perfect. You were the best friend that I ever had. You made my world whole; you dried the rain in my soul. You greased the wheels of life and made it smoother for me. Thank you.

Someday, I will figure out how to get my powers back. My eyes will seek the solace of your face and my ears in your voice. I will come for you and you will be with me until the end of my days here on earth. Then, I will come to Soul Society where we will be together in the endless abyss of time.

I have sought in other girls what I found in you and have been extremely unsuccessful. Most of them are too nice and relentless criticizing I can only endure from you. Have you found someone? I hope not. I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want anyone else to have you. I wonder if you are looking at the same lunar glow right now. Sometimes, I swear I feel your hands on my face. That's when I close my eyes, smile and say "Hey, Rukia."

Everyone thinks that I am where I should be but they are wrong. I should be where you are. Next year I will be in college. I wish that you could come with me. You don't know how many times I have looked at the door in home room and hoped that you would appear. You don't know how many times I have looked in my closet at your futon; unable to clear it lest I lose your scent. Many times I thought I heard your bare feet pad up the stairs to my room. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It doesn't. It just makes the heart ache and the mind reel into insanity.

I couldn't give you a proper goodbye. I was too immature to reign in the sadness and shock that took over my mind or the devastation that wrapped around my heart. Then again, I think you were in the same predicament. I'm sorry for that. But for the life of me, I could have never conceived that the day would come when I would never be able to see you again. I thought that I would come to see you every so often and you would come here. But now, I can't see you at all. Worse yet, I can't even feel your presence. It was as if the finest pieces of my soul were stripped out and I was left with nothing but the empty shell.

I've grown up and older. Did you finally manage to grow some? I'm sure that you are still just as beautiful as ever. I miss your eyes, did you know that? Probably not. I never told you how wonderful you were because I couldn't get over myself. I wish that I had. Do you know how many times I have seen something that reminds me of you and cried alone? I can't even look at Chappy anymore. I miss you.

Don't give up on me. I will see you again. I need for you to believe in me when no one else does like you always have. I have a room in my heart that is reserved only for you. You just have to hold on. Make me happy and greet me when I tempt fate one more time and come for you.

Wait for me…please…wait for me. I love you, Rukia.


End file.
